tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-51735981735443717752024-03-08T07:21:56.403-08:00Our Attitudes...and how they influence our world.Unknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger7125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5173598173544371775.post-89552005741993281362008-01-26T12:29:00.000-08:002008-01-26T12:46:53.471-08:00The Role of Thought in Emotions<div style="text-align: justify;"><blockquote>„When you become more agreeable, then your thoughts do. If you have no difficulty with them, they will have no difficulty with you either“ - Sogyal Rinpoche<br /></blockquote><br />Normally you hear about how our mind influences our body, so, for example, when you're depressed, your skin looks pale, you start losing or gaining weight, the edges of your mouth point downwards and you're teary-eyed most of the time. Or, if you're happy, your whole posture changes and suddenly your face „shines“, you smile all the time and you burst with energy. Similarly, we know that we have to be happy with ourselves before we can be happy with something or someone else, and that our social relationships depend on our mental state. However, little is said on the opposite direction – can we influence our mind by influencing our body, and/or our social relations?<br /><br />The answer is yes. I'm sure you all know that, but people tend to forget, especially when they go through difficulties. So influencing our body and our „external self“ can really make a difference on the way we feel internally. Let's take an example: you go to the bank, and the bank teller is being a bitch to you. You have 2 options: being a bitch right back at her, or being nice to her. Most of the time, people take option no. 1, frown or become nasty, and she will do the same and it will all increase in intensity until either the manager comes, or the customer leaves cursing. Now let's face it: after such an interaction, no one is really happy to be alive, instead we normally make mental schemes of how to bring that bank to bankruptcy or do something mean to the teller.<br /><br />So let's try option 2. We could respond by being nice. Never crossed your mind, has it? It is not one of the easy things to do, but it often has instantaneous and absolutely surprising results, the attitude of the bank teller will change immediately and hopefully return the kind treatment. And at the end of such an interaction? You leave smiling, because someone was nice to you. Thus, „when you become more agreeable, your thoughts do“.<br /><br />Excerpt from „Destructive Emotions“:<br /><br /><blockquote> In this experiment, O. would have two discussions, confrontations about issues where he and the person he talked with disagreed. As they talked, their physiology would be measured to assess the impact of their disagreement.<br /><br />His partners would both be scientists dedicated to a rationalist view, and the topics were chosen to ensure a disagreement […]. For reasons of comparison, they chose two professors – one easygoing and the other […] abrasive – for O. to have this encounter with.<br /><br /> During the conversation both O. and his partner had their physiology monitored and their faces videotaped. The result: O's physiology was virtually the same no matter whom he was talking to. But his expressions were enormously different. O. smiled more often, and more simultaneously, with the gentle professor than with the difficult person.<br /><br /> While the easygoing professor discussed his differences of opinion with O., the two were smiling, keeping eye contact, and speaking fluidly. In fact, they had such a good time exploring their disagreements that they did not want to stop.<br /><br /> But that was not the case with the difficult person. From the start the physiological measures of the difficult man showed high emotional arousal. Yet over the course of their fifteen minute dispute, his arousal decreased, as talking with O. quieted him. At the end of their talk, he typically disputatious sparring partner spontaneously volunteered: „I couldn't be confrontational. I was always met with reason and smiles. It's overwhelming. I felt something – like a shadow or an aura – and I couldn't be aggressive.“</blockquote><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Resources</span><br /><br />Sogyal Rinpoche – The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Tibetan-Book-Living-Dying-International/dp/0062508342/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1201379710&sr=1-1">[Amazon]</a><p></p> Daniel Goleman – Destructive Emotions: how can we overcome them? <a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0553381059/ref=s9_flash_asin_image_8?ie=UTF8&coliid=I35JHNIQYT2QR5&colid=4J2ZK5LJ7AS0&pf_rd_m=ATVPDKIKX0DER&pf_rd_s=center-5&pf_rd_r=10F48P7X9ST9PG2AB51F&pf_rd_t=101&pf_rd_p=279439001&pf_rd_i=507846">[Amazon]</a><br /><p></p></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5173598173544371775.post-14023839827074282732008-01-26T04:33:00.000-08:002008-01-26T05:04:45.447-08:00I don't know who I am!O: You see, the problem is I don't know who I am anymore...<br />Me: In what sense?<br />O: I don't know what I like, what I don't like... I didn't use to be like this. How do you know what you like? How do you get to know yourself?<br /><br /><div style="text-align: center;">***<br /><div style="text-align: left;"><br /><div style="text-align: justify;">In college, I once had an assigment to write an essay on the "self". This was one of the most frustrating things I ever had to do, but it also taught me an important lesson: there is not one thing that defines me as being me, it's rather a whole pile of things that would make me understand who I am. We're always looking for something permanent, unchangeable, something that we can always get back to and say: this is me.<br /><br />Let's say I am my body. If I compare photos of me at age 2 and me at age 45, I will conclude that my body is not unchangeable and I am definitely not what I used to be years ago, in terms of my body. Let's say I am my memories. Should I suffer an accident and get amnesia, would that transform me into someone else?<br /><br />We could play this game with pretty much everything we can think of to define us, and we would still not get much further. So I concluded that I am my body + my memories + my preferences + things I don't like + my friends + my family + my education + my career + my accomplishments + my failures + ... + n, and I've come to realize that accepting both the good and the bad parts makes me know myself. I know how I'll react in different situations, I can imagine liking or not liking something, I can imagine changing my views given certain conditions, and nothing comes as much of a surprise, mainly because I allow myself to be a permanently changing living organism.<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /></div></div></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5173598173544371775.post-54669098586837884232008-01-20T06:26:00.000-08:002008-01-20T06:44:28.288-08:00Death<div style="text-align: justify;">Death is something that fascinates us, scares us, it is something we do not understand and therefore do not know how to handle, yet we are painfully aware of the fact that we, too, will have to face it one day. What will happen after we die? This is a good question, and there are several theories that will address this question, answers pertaining to each individual religion or worldview.<br /><br />Drawing upon my limited knowledge of Christianity, I can say that I do not have a very high appreciation of their view. I cannot or do not want to believe that once this life is over, I will be doomed for all eternity for all the sins I have committed (including everyday lies that are useful for maintaining harmony in my interpersonal relationships), and that I have no way of ever getting out of my eternal damnation (well, one could say that if I repent my sins, I shall be forgiven and life happily ever after, but then I could also say that I will commit any kind of sin I want in this life, and repent once I'm dead).<br /><br />So, while search for answers, I found a few things that are really helpful. Among them, a <a href="http://open.yale.edu/courses/philosophy/death/home.html">lecture series by Professor Shelly Kagan from Yale University</a>, analyzing death from several perspectives. I am very grateful to Yale University for recording lectures and making them fully available on the internet at no charge, and I would urge anyone who is interested in the subject to go to the <a href="http://open.yale.edu/courses/philosophy/death/downloads.html">downloads section</a> and get the entire series while it is still available.<br /><br /></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5173598173544371775.post-82624210045138133102007-12-11T13:19:00.000-08:002007-12-11T14:21:06.895-08:00Being a Psychotherapist<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://www1.istockphoto.com/file_thumbview_approve/2666048/2/istockphoto_2666048_psychiatric_treatment.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer; width: 320px;" src="http://www1.istockphoto.com/file_thumbview_approve/2666048/2/istockphoto_2666048_psychiatric_treatment.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a>When I was younger and deciding on a career path, after my first clinical experience, I thought: <span style="font-style: italic;">therapy is interesting, but I don't want to spend my lifetime listening to other people's problems<span style="font-style: italic;">!</span></span> And yet, here I am, and loving every minute of it.<br /><br />The most valuable thing I got from doing precisely this, listening to other people's problems and their ways of dealing with them, trying to figure out more constructive approaches, is that I have learned life strategies from each and every single individual I have spoken to.<br /><br />First of all, it is more difficult to surprise me. I've met people who hide from ambulances, people who receive radiations from aliens and secret services, people whose role on earth is the secular war against the forces of Satan. Such stories may sound funny at first, but when you actually look at the person who's telling you all this, and you listen to what they say, their drama becomes obvious: their reality does not match up with everyone else's reality, they <span style="font-weight: bold;">know</span> people don't believe them, they <span style="font-weight: bold;">know</span> people make fun of them, and yet they have no way of escaping what they feel, hear and see. And if you try and put yourself in their position, you suddenly feel trapped: what do you do when you literally hear a voice that comes out of nowhere and tells you to join your relative in the grave, a voice that no one else hears, a voice that won't go away? And it scares you, and when you tell someone about it, they say you're crazy and mind their own business? And you <span style="font-weight: bold;">know</span> you're not crazy, because you can hear this voice clearly?<br /><br />Another thing that I have learned from these extreme stories is that there is no rule for who develops a severe mental disorder and who doesn't (not to mention to nonpsychotic ones). I have seen people with a medical degree come in for treatment, as well as people with as little as 4 years of schooling altogether, people from rich families and people from poor families. And you should be very careful about mocking these people (not because they may hurt you, the great majority are harmless) but because you can develop one form or another of a severe mental problem at any age.<br /><br />Most psychotherapy though focuses on depression and anxiety, and there are endless things to learn about the way humans think from only talking to people. The great plus one has as a therapist is that people do open up, and you are entitled to ask uncomfortable questions too - and you'll be shocked how well the picture fits together when you have all the pieces of the puzzle, and how effective your suggestions can become if you keep updating them with experience.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5173598173544371775.post-22023561492522392622007-12-10T08:27:00.000-08:002007-12-10T08:51:23.251-08:00A thousand reasons to prove I'm worthless<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://www1.istockphoto.com/file_thumbview_approve/4250579/2/istockphoto_4250579_street_urchin.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 0pt 10px 10px; float: right; cursor: pointer; width: 320px;" src="http://www1.istockphoto.com/file_thumbview_approve/4250579/2/istockphoto_4250579_street_urchin.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a>People who go through times of depression have an amazing creative ability when it comes to finding reasons to prove they are worthless, incapable and generally bad people. It doesn't matter how many reasons one can find to show them it's not all black and white, they will find counterarguments and discard most positive statements immediately as being <span style="font-weight: bold;">exceptions</span>.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">1. Break it down<br /><br /></span>The first step to change such thoughts, sometimes, is to break them down into more specific ideas. What exactly makes me worthless? Not having a job? Not having a life partner? Not being able to care for my children the way I would want to?<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">2. Analyze it</span><br /><br />How realistic are my thoughts? Does not having a job really mean I'm worthless? Do I know of any other people I appreciate who have been in my situation? How did they deal with it? What could I do to change my situation in this regard? Which of these possibilities depend on me, and which depend on others? Make a list, and be specific.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">3. Do it</span><br /><br />Take the possibilities identified in step 2 and start doing those that depend exclusively on you: do internet research, write your resume, check the paper for job openings, ask friends, etc. Remember, it's normal to feel like you're lacking energy and motivation, but that's all part of the big picture of depression. Don't overdo it: take the items one at a time, and make sure you acknowledge and reward yourself for doing them.<br /><br /><br />It's time to make friends with yourself.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5173598173544371775.post-54913229144671355132007-12-09T10:56:00.000-08:002007-12-09T11:08:11.027-08:00IntroHi, and welcome to this brand new blog. This blog is about us, the amazing human species and our absolutely fascinating ability to make our life more difficult than it needs to be. I have thought long and hard about whether to start a blog, what to write about and, perhaps most importantly, <span style="font-weight: bold;">why</span> to start a blog.<br /><br />The thing is, clichee as it may seem, I want to make the world a better place. And as a psychologist, I am absolutely convinced that one way of achieving this goal is through producing better humans. But that depends inevitably on our ability to become better humans ourselves, and to teach our children to follow our footsteps. I don't claim to have found the ideal recipe for making people better, but I would like this blog to become a floor for discussions.<br /><br />I believe that our happiness depends very much on the way we perceive the world, and this, in turn, depends on the attitudes we have regarding ourselves, others, the world, our past, present, future, jobs, friends, animals, global warming, you name it. And every day I meet people who, due to their dysfunctional attitudes, go through years of suffering, take medication and don't seem to be much better off. And then, I tell them things that seem so obvious to me - and probably to many others as well - and sometimes I manage to change their attitudes from mainly negative ones to more balanced worldviews, and - who would have thought! - they report feeling happier!<br /><br />So this is what I have in mind. Sharing opinions and thoughts and seeking ways of improving ourselves. I hope you'll enjoy.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5173598173544371775.post-36065141375814941872005-01-20T05:57:00.000-08:002008-01-20T07:24:07.319-08:00Useful Resources<span style="font-weight: bold;">Blogs that make a difference</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">General Learning Resources<br /><br /></span><span><a href="http://lecturefox.com/">LectureFox - free university lectures</a><br /></span><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br />Other interesting websites<br /><br /><br />Online Lectures & Books<br /></span><span><br /><a href="http://open.yale.edu/courses/philosophy/death/home.html">Death - Online course by Prof. Dr. Shelly Kagan, Yale University</a></span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0